Free At Last, Lawdy, I'm Free At Last!

[JohnC]

Divorce law is completely archaic. We look at commercials and TV and see women portraying the alphas. “They can do anything men can do but do it better.” But when it comes to divorce law, because they had the privilege of having someone support them for years, that person is on the hook to continue to support them as though they’d be incapable of finding food and shelter if their ex weren’t forced to provide for them.

Divorce law was shaped when households were single income and there weren’t opportunities for women to work jobs where you could support a household. Contrary to the fake ass gender wage gap, women can earn a living similar to men period.
Child support is a different matter.

 

[kmakar]

Times have changed, but some still favor the female. My ex did the same to her next husband and took him for everything too. Felt bad for him, but not bad enough to be ever so happy I didn't have to pay her alimony anymore.

 

[SSuperDave]

My sister lives in Delaware, and once alimony is awarded to the lesser earning party, it is for life! Her current husband just got done paying his first wife. The only way out of it is that the receiving spouse cannot use it as sole support, they have to work as well, and she did not, so he was able to stop it. Also, property division is not done til after the divorce is final, in Texas its part of the final decree.
Kevin is spot on about the female being favored. A friend of my EX WIFE was a shit wife and mother, and went after her husband for child support. He pressed for joint custody and got it, and she has the kids half the time and gets nothing, and you ought to hear her bitch about it. Her kids hate her too, all of them, she has 4 kids by 4 guys, and was only married to one of them.
I've learned FAR more about this that I ever cared to, and am just glad that its all behind me.

 

[kmakar]

My sister lives in Delaware, and once alimony is awarded to the lesser earning party, it is for life! Her current husband just got done paying his first wife. The only way out of it is that the receiving spouse cannot use it as sole support, they have to work as well, and she did not, so he was able to stop it. Also, property division is not done til after the divorce is final, in Texas its part of the final decree.
Kevin is spot on about the female being favored. A friend of my EX WIFE was a shit wife and mother, and went after her husband for child support. He pressed for joint custody and got it, and she has the kids half the time and gets nothing, and you ought to hear her bitch about it. Her kids hate her too, all of them, she has 4 kids by 4 guys, and was only married to one of them.
I've learned FAR more about this that I ever cared to, and am just glad that its all behind me.

Living it first hand sucks. Glad you're done. I still harbor some resentment for the system, but it is what it is.

 

[SSuperDave]

All told, I feel like I got off lightly and the system worked for me. I paid $199 for all the paperwork to be done online, $350 to file it with the county, and doing it pro se (self represented) the judge was very easy to deal with. I am aware that few are as lucky. It took 65 days from start to finish. If she had not signed the waiver of service, I would have had to have her served by a sheriff at my expense, and waited 6 months, and she would have had the right to appear. No minor children and no property disputes was the key.

 

[kmakar]

35 years ago it cost me (as I recall) $3,500 for my attorney, and then another $2,000 for her attorney, and I still lost everything. Nothing was contested by me, but by her because she was trying to bury me (for what reason I still don't know to this day except to be spiteful because I couldn't forgive her). Took 3 months from the initial filing, then a court appearance for us to both appear saying we wanted a divorce, then another 6 months waiting period to another in court hearing only to find out she was going for more alimony. It was a nightmare, but my attorney who happened to be Jewish (I selected him just for that reason) was able to fend off a number of attacks with proof.

The gifts kept giving though after the divorce was final...... she claimed I wasn't paying child support or alimony with the state and the state took my tax refund without investigating and when I proved to them I had been paying all along (cancelled checks), they told me it was my problem and go collect the money from her. Bet you can't figure how that turned out.

 

[SSuperDave]

My regional manager, whom I've know for 30 years, got divorced when he was about 40, she was making $300K plus a year and he was clsoe to that. Everything they owned was paid for, including the house. They used the same lawyer, paid about $5K. He asked for his almost new Denali, his 401K, all his persona goods and $25K from their bank account, and left the resst with her. He's now making $600K plus, and married to another woman who makes $350K a year. He paid child support for both kids, even after the oldest came to live with him full time, and now the younger one wants to live with him. I've known and worked with this guy since he was 20, he is just one of those charmed people, a great guy and worked hard AND smart all his life, and you can't not like him. We are stiil close. I told the oldest daughter that I'd known her dad since he was a punk ass 20 year old, and she said, wow, that's a long time, now he's a punk ass 50 year old! Damn him anyway!

 

[JohnC]

... she claimed I wasn't paying child support or alimony with the state and the state took my tax refund without investigating and when I proved to them I had been paying all along (cancelled checks), they told me it was my problem and go collect the money from her. Bet you can't figure how that turned out.

Man, that’s screwed up.

I work with a female nurse who’s gotten the short end of the stick. She made a bit more than her husband and when they divorced he alleged that he was suddenly “unable” to work. So she ended up supporting his lazy ass for a while.

I work with another guy who gave his wife the gift of supporting her for decades. She didn’t work at all. Now that’s what I call “privilege!”
He’s a supremely decent and honorable man. Later in life she just went cuckoo and filed for divorce. He was a bit naive I think and she ended up taking half of everything plus their vacation condo in Hawaii.
Worst part of his deal is we have good retirement and he’s be eligible to retire with pension and full benefits at the age of 60, but the judge said he had to keep working until
67 just to support her ass - the woman he supported for decades and who paid him back by leaving him and taking his shit. I found that to be jaw dropping. That you can be forced to work past your retirement age just to support someone who spent their entire adult life never having to work a job. I know she raised their kids but he helped too and kids have been out of the nest for many years. How’s that for feminism.

 

[kmakar]

Man, that’s screwed up.

I work with a female nurse who’s gotten the short end of the stick. She made a bit more than her husband and when they divorced he alleged that he was suddenly “unable” to work. So she ended up supporting his lazy ass for a while.

I work with another guy who gave his wife the gift of supporting her for decades. She didn’t work at all. Now that’s what I call “privilege!”
He’s a supremely decent and honorable man. Later in life she just went cuckoo and filed for divorce. He was a bit naive I think and she ended up taking half of everything plus their vacation condo in Hawaii.
Worst part of his deal is we have good retirement and he’s be eligible to retire with pension and full benefits at the age of 60, but the judge said he had to keep working until
67 just to support her ass - the woman he supported for decades and who paid him back by leaving him and taking his shit. I found that to be jaw dropping. That you can be forced to work past your retirement age just to support someone who spent their entire adult life never having to work a job. I know she raised their kids but he helped too and kids have been out of the nest for many years. How’s that for feminism.

Wow, that is messed up. I'd never heard of a judge forcing someone to work if they could retire comfortably.

 

[Molly's 70]

Sounds like California.

 

[kmakar]

Sounds like California.

Sounds like just about everywhere to me, except Texas like in Dave's case. The system is still skewed and what sounds logical and reasonable to you and I obviously isn't the case most times.

I'm just glad I went through it early in my life so I could recover, and recover I did. My eldest daughter tells us (Lisa and I) that her mother (my ex) is pissed at what I've accomplished since we divorced and doesn't think I should have gotten this far. She says the system is rigged to be easier on the man, and my daughter tells her you forgot how hard Dad worked all the time. After I bought my eldest daughter a new car when her husband abandoned her, my ex asked (and was quite serious) if my daughter thought I would buy her (my ex) a new car and my daughter told her, yeah that'll never happen, you messed up bigtime when you cheated on Dad, and he'd rather not even see you, but has to because you're still in my and Hunter's life. That's when I get to smile, because what comes around, goes around.

 

[Nashville Cat]

I think this is what we are all looking for in marriage

 

[SSuperDave]

I went ot a car show today, and am now sitting on my back patio having a ceegar. The house is a standard 3-2-2, but this patio, wow! I have no idea why they built is so big, but I love it. BTW, the fire pit is gas, and the big patio door is in the master bedroom.