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My Dad's last surviving sister died this morning

kmakar

kmakar

Janitor
We were not close, but she was my Dad's youngest sister (11 years younger than my Dad) and the last of their family to pass. She was 81.

As her last living blood relatives (my brothers and I), we have to communicate with the state of Connecticut as to her wishes to be cremated.

My Dad and Mom were going to be cremated, but it wasn't something I could deal with or wanted.

I'm old school and not knowing where my Dad was (physically in the ground), it was not something I could accept, so they changed, and when my Dad died we had a traditional burial.

I know where he is, and I watched him lowered into the ground and he has large headstone showing he existed and mattered and was deeply loved (at least by me). My Mom will be buried next to him when her time comes.

Sorry, but this is bringing up some feelings that are still tough to deal with. I still miss my Dad a great deal.

Thanks for listening.
 
cheveslakr said:
We're right here Kevin. Prayers sent and wishing you the best.
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Thanks Jerry. My aunt passing doesn't really bother me, it was the memories that my Dad was going to be cremated that bothered me.

My Dad passed in 2007 and the emotions happened all over again when we got the call.

I'm ever so thankful my Dad got to meet all my kids, and my kids remember how loving he was.
 
Cremation is Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. The memories of the person are that what lives on.

It is such a loss that the existence of a human being and the memories of them are so fleeting. My son met my mothers parents and great great Aunt when he was very little, he has no memory of them. When my generation passes they will be forgotten forever except marked by a grave site in Baltimore County. We do not know where my fathers great grandparents are buried. His parents and sister are in a Baltimore City cemetery.

Cultures passed on stories of generations to keep memories alive, all we can do is tell our children what we know and hopefully they will be able to pass what little that is on to their children.
 
Chevelle_Nut said:
Cremation is Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. The memories of the person are that what lives on.

It is such a loss that the existence of a human being and the memories of them are so fleeting. My son met my mothers parents and great great Aunt when he was very little, he has no memory of them. When my generation passes they will be forgotten forever except marked by a grave site in Baltimore County. We do not know where my fathers great grandparents are buried. His parents and sister are in a Baltimore City cemetery.

Cultures passed on stories of generations to keep memories alive, all we can do is tell our children what we know and hopefully they will be able to pass what little that is on to their children.
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You're right and I understand, but for me it was just very personal that I didn't want my memory of him to be ashes. I needed to be able to remember him as he was, a strong man that put his family above all else and loved God with all his heart. Sounds like me doesn't it?

It was the same for my brother when my Dad was dying in the hospital that he couldn't physically look at him in that state because he didn't want to remember such a strong man in a weak state. I on the other hand wanted to be holding his hand when he died because he had told me when he was younger and his Dad (my grandfather I never got to meet) died, he wasn't there and it destroyed him not being there to say goodbye. I promised him I would be there and to see and hold his hand, and I was.

I think each person deals with death the only way they are capable of handling it, and for me to say it doesn't have an affect on me would be a lie, but if I'm not close to that person, it has very little effect on me emotionally, but when my Dad died, I was emotionally wrecked for a couple of years even though I knew it was coming. My Dad and I were very close and it was if a part of me died with him. My Mom and Lisa used to comment how much alike we were in personality and beliefs, and my Mom said if she didn't physically see me or my Dad it would be hard to distinguish between the two of us.

I appreciate the kind words and I can only hope that those who haven't lost their parents are spared much of the emotional distress of losing a parent.
 
Chevelle_Nut said:
Cultures passed on stories of generations to keep memories alive, all we can do is tell our children what we know and hopefully they will be able to pass what little that is on to their children.
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I try to tell my kids and grandkids everything I remember about my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. My parents never told us about our relatives.
My great grandmother died in 1974 when I was 14 and I never knew she even existed. We went to Maine every year for 2 weeks till I was 16 and never went to visit her?
They never talked about any of our ancestors. My 5th great grandfather fought in the revolution and my 3rd great grandfather in the civil war along with many uncles.
I had an AUNT that served in WW2 and they never told us. I had to look it up myself.
 
spinshop said:
I try to tell my kids and grandkids everything I remember about my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. My parents never told us about our relatives.
My great grandmother died in 1974 when I was 14 and I never knew she even existed. We went to Maine every year for 2 weeks till I was 16 and never went to visit her?
They never talked about any of our ancestors. My 5th great grandfather fought in the revolution and my 3rd great grandfather in the civil war along with many uncles.
I had an AUNT that served in WW2 and they never told us. I had to look it up myself.
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I'm glad you at least found out and you can share with your kids and grandkids.

You will be the grandpa that will be remembered with great reverence and never forgotten.

Family is EVERYTHING.
 
I'm very sorry for your loss, Kevin. The 4th anniversary of my dad's death was a few days ago. And he was cremated, so I understand your feelings about that. I just have to keep in mind that he's with the Lord now, and all the health problems are gone. We'll all be reunited one day. Prayers going out to you, my friend.
 
Leadhead said:
I'm very sorry for your loss, Kevin. The 4th anniversary of my dad's death was a few days ago. And he was cremated, so I understand your feelings about that. I just have to keep in mind that he's with the Lord now, and all the health problems are gone. We'll all be reunited one day. Prayers going out to you, my friend.
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I'm sorry for your loss too Bob, I know that pain all to well.
 
Sorry to hear about your loss Kevin. Very depressing to lose family and friends. I think we are all getting to that age where we’ll have to deal with this.
 
My parents are still alive in their high 80's so I cannot relate to the loss of a parent. My Mother in law passed 6 years ago and we all still feel her loss. She was cremated and buried in the church cemetery, we still feel she is there because all of us laid her to rest.
 
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